Tuesday, September 22, 2015


It started innocently enough...driving along...listening to Spotify...when a song came on that I hadn't heard in a while with a message that I had never noticed...until now...until it signified something deep in me.

'I don't wanna love you if you don't love me' was the lyric...innocent enough right?

If it's so innocent, why am I crying on the outside and hurting on the inside?

Why am I still trying to love a man who through his actions, behaviour and words showed me again and again that he didn't love me.

Even though he said he did, he couldn't have, not with what he had done or continued to do.

I keep telling myself, I'm not THAT girl, I haven't been rushed to the hospital, I haven't had black eyes or broken bones, but you know what I have had?

A cut on my hip where he jabbed me with my own car keys, three bruises on my stomach and chest where he poked me so hard it left a mark and a overwhelming desire to kill myself so that I could finally get away from his control.

That's what I have had, and that's what I have endured.

Months of control, of fear of telling him plans, of fear of riding in the car with him so he didn't punch my seat or my dash again. Voicemails calling me a bitch and a whore. Threats to myself and the people I love. Enough is enough.
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